To be or not to be...aggressive

Okay, here's a topic up for debate. How much initiative should a girl take in dating?
I will illustrate this with scenarios from what I've observed:

1. Girl likes boy. Girl is aggressive toward getting what she wants. Girl flirts with boy, gives boy desserts, asks boy on dates, etc.
Girl gets boy?
2. Girl likes boy. Girl waits for boy to take the initiative and ask her out. Girl is friendly with boy. Girl hints that she would like to spend time with boy. Boy doesn't get hint. Boy doesn't take the initiative.
Girl doesn't get boy.
3. Girl likes boy. Girl hides that she likes boy. Girl waits for a miraculous moment when boy will ask her out.
Boy gets other girl.

None of these scenarios seem very appealing to me, one who is not willing to flirt my face off trying to get a boy to like me. Although I haven't been opposed to asking boys out in the past, lately I have had the attitude that I want the boys to take the initiative. Which sometimes works...but not often.
Lynette and Kaitlyn have suggested a "swap date", where we each ask out another person's date for them. I'm not sure how I feel about this and how it fits into my recently-discovered dating philosophies. But then again, those philosophies are not helping me to get any dates, nor are they helping me to shed my VL ring.
I need some opinions here. Should I be aggressive? Is it a turn-off to boys if the girl asks them out first? Should I wait for the boys to make the first move? Or should I take matters into my own hands?

The Second Date

This positive thinking thing really works guys! I decided I need to change my thought because thinking "I'm irresistable" is just overwhelming. It pulled so many guys into my life I couldn't handle it!

I wasn't sure what my new thought would be, but just tonight I decided I was going to go on a SECOND date. Low and behold, I got asked on a second date tonight. Right after thinking that. It was ANOTHER new guy (well not that new) from my hometown I'd gone on a date with this summer. We'll call him Walter.

p.s. I still love Dean even if he thinks I'm a rock. And also hasn't even asked me on a first date.
p.p.s. I use the word love VERY loosely
p.p.p.s. When I REALLY want out of the VLC I'm just going to decide someone will kiss me. I've got 3 months before New Years! It's going down!

The Secret

This burst of dating in my life came in about the time I started telling myself "I'm irresistable" like my friend Megan does and I actually started believing it. So I decided to ask "the universe" for a date on Friday to test out the theory presented in "The Secret" (that documentary we are watching). I had no plans whatsoever, but I believed I would be on a date!
So around 3 my friend Mark text me wanting to talk. He is my friend from freshman year. We had some drama between the two of us, and I'd forgotten I asked him to talk earlier in the week to get everything figured out. We had THE GREATEST TALK EVER. He wanted to take me out for dinner after that and then to a dance. Not gunna lie, it was a pretty romantic night. That date popped out of no where, and now I'm adding another guy to the growing list.
Not only did I get the date I asked for, I was asked for ANOTHER date on that very night! Remember Don, the smoothie man? We rescheduled for breakfast and went out this morning. He is so awesome. And he said he wants to go out again!
So if I keep going at this rate I'll be kicked out of the VLC in no time. These guys, they are just so awesome. I only have good things to say about them. So I'm just figuring things out and seeing how it plays out. I'm sure it will work out with somebody. It's great to have 3 dates a week (this really is an abnormal time, I went through a big drought before this semester), but really, I just want one boy. I'm just not sure which boy I want. Yet. Suggestions?
p.s. Dean and I are walking to church together tomorrow to get stuff done for our committee! Woohoo!

The Law of Attraction

Kylie isn't too happy that no one has been blogging but her. But the fact is that she has the only blog-worthy things going on in her life. I have too much going on right now, so there are 2 things that have been taking a backseat: 1) homework 2) social life. Number 2 is what leads to dates (theoretically, at least), so dating has not been happening.
Lately we've been talking a lot about positive thought. We watched this movie called "The Secret" that introduces the law of attraction: whatever you think about and focus on will be attracted to you. So if you're always worrying about the bad things then you will directly attract more of them into your life, but if you focus on positive thoughts, such as, "I will be really wealthy", then the universe aligns for you to get what you want. Your thoughts, then, can physically affect the world around you.
I'm not sure how much I believe this theory, but it's worth a shot. I am going to think, "The guys that I am interested in are interested in me and want to date me" for a couple weeks and see what happens. We'll see if this law of attraction works for romantic attraction.
Stay tuned for the results. First I need to find some guys I'm interested in...

It's Raining Men! Hallelujah!!

SURPRISE!! I walked in my apartment yesterday to see that Erin had thrown me an awesome surprise birthday party! Even better (or worse...) pretty much ALL the guys I'm interested in right now were THERE! Talk about overwhelming! Cause right now there are a lot...it's raining men!
Okay let's back it up.
So I was at institute (a church class) talking to a guy, and a new guy in our ward, Don, was hovering and I could tell he wanted to talk to me. I didn't get to and I felt really bad. So I went to his apartment afterwards and just to talk to him and we had THE GREATEST CONVERSATION! I'm telling you, this guy is solid gold! He found out it was my birthday the next day and asked me if I wanted to make smoothies with him after I got out of class at 9.
On the night of my birthday I had that class with Michael. He invited me to go to ice cream afterwards. So we finally had our first single date! Yay! It was fantastic, we had the greatest conversations, and he is simply an amazing guy. We headed back to my apartment and when we got to the door, he knocked. After a sec I said "Hey, it's my apartment! We can just walk in!" So I opened the door and there was a roomful of my best friends in the world!
It was crazy to see all the guys I'm interested in at once! Very overwhelming. But I think I have chosen a top 3!
1. Michael
2. Don
3. David (the guy from freshman year I went on a date with a few posts back)
Oh by the way Don rainchecked smoothie-ness and for those of you rooting for Dean, he was there too.

The Swap

6:45 : Fifteen minutes before orchestra I take off and realize I lost to code to the lock of my cello! I didn't know what to do and time was ticking! I would be late to orchestra!
6:50 It dawns on me that my friend Garrett plays the cello! So I run up to his apartment while calling him.
6:52 I arrive at Garrett's and ask if I can borrow his cello. He agrees and I say "Shoot! Now I'm going to be super late and I can't carry this all the way! Would one of you please be able to give me a ride??"
Garrett has a dumbstruck look in his face for a second and then says: "Wait...I have guitar class...at 7. I don't have a guitar. Can I borrow yours Kylie?"
"Of course!!"
"I'll drive us there!"
CRAZY!
6:59 We roll into the busiest parking lot on campus right in front of the building we both need to go to. There is no way we are going to get a spot there! We start despairing and even though there are 3 cars right in front of us looking for spots, the car in the spot right to our left pulls out! It was a MIRACLE!
7:05 I gracefully arrive at orchestra the minute we start. It was such a crazy happening! I couldn't believe Garrett needed my guitar too!
I thought my day couldn't get much crazier but I was wrong! By a weird coincidence I have that class with Michael. I've briefly mentioned him before (date last week) and he is the guy I really like that I may be losing interest in because he is still having a hard time finding himself after the mission.
So I haven't played cello for a long time so I tried to worm my way in the back when we were given seats. They started swapping around seats today, and they didn't move me back even though I stink, but they moved Michael right next to me even though he plays the viola! And I swear he was the only person they moved! The funny thing is I would have been able to sit by him in the beginning if I hadn't wormed my way closer to the back in the first place! It's almost as if no matter what I do or how differed our skill levels are, the fates want us to sit together.
I don't know about you, but it seems to me like the fates are on my side.

The Weekly Review

Two weeks into the Semester and this is what the VLC girls have been up to:

Erin: Has had a couple friends over EVERY Saturday at 10 a.m.!! She has been "hanging out with a lot of girls and not a lot of boys; [she] did go to the Latin Festival with a boy, but there was another girl, so that doesn't count."

Katelyn: Went to a Horse Show by herself on Saturday; however, she has been really busy taking care of her injured cousin and working...and trying to cram as much Historical information into her brain as possible, which "leaves very little time for anyone, regardless of gender."

Kylie: Has averaged about two..three...two.five dates a week. She has had two "super duper fun" weeks...she has recently been "trying to figure out stuff with the recently Returned Ones...and just having a blast."

And then there's me.

Lynette: I have been really busy with schoolwork therefore I have had the greatest privilege to observe boys from afar. The. End.

And this concludes the Weekly Review for the VLC.

Awkward Dating Stories Commence!

Our blogging prompt of the week is to write about our most awkward or hilarious date.
I've never had a completely disastrous date, but I must say that senior prom was a little bit awkward. I didn't really care that much about going, except that all my friends were going and I felt like I would regret it if I didn't go. I didn't get asked, so I decided to ask a good friend of mine from another school to go with me.
The night started out okay. We went to dinner with two other couples. Unfortunately, we chose Red Robin as the place to eat. Good restaurant, but not exactly the perfect prom spot. After dinner we walked around the mall, and all the guys started taking pictures with the mannequins. Then they ran out into the parking lot to suitcoat-flash the cars driving by.
Well, I'm not the type of girl who expects to ride in a limo or anything, but my date's ghetto stick-shift truck was a little too much. We pulled up at the fancy location in Seattle and tried to dance in a normal way in the midst of dozens of couples freak-dancing. After about five minutes, I was ready to go.
As we drove back from the dance, we were headed to my friend's house to play games. Unfortunately we both thought we could get back from Seattle based on both of our horrible senses of direction, and we ended up taking the wrong exit and getting lost. It took us about an hour to get to my friend's house.
Now that I reflect, however, I guess my prom date was a little better than another high school dance, when the boys spent the entire time talking about toilets and mooning people. Or that other time when we went lazer-tagging and my date sicked a group of kids on me to gun me down.
Oh, the wonderful world of dating.

Turns out I could use some help after all

It has been 2 weeks since my first entry and my roommates have all informed me that I am shamefully shirking my duties as co-writer on this blog. Therefore, to prevent any further shame from sullying my family name I will now endeavor to scrape what tiny bit of dating experience lies at the bottom of my barrel in order to craft a semi-acceptable entry that will probably end up being the only entry from me for the next month.  Perhaps it is best to inform you now that while I’ve had my own personal blog (the address to which will not be listed here) for three years, I’ve barely managed to write in it any more than three or four times.  I may be a history major, and therefore spend most of my time with my nose buried in someone else's journal, but the ability to write in my own journal on a regular basis has always eluded me. Anyway, enough said about my perpetual lack of interesting things to write; for the sake of placating the wrathful blogging gods, I will write what little I know (and by little, I mean a minuscule amount of foolishness thinly disguised as wisdom). 

I had an interesting experience this past summer with a good guy friend of mine.  I work with this friend (who we will call Hector* for the time being) and I would go so far as to say he’s my favorite co-worker.  Hector and I were working together one day when I accidentally tore my pants on a sharp object and the huge hole it left behind was placed squarely on the left cheek of my bum leaving my brightly colored underwear plenty of room to wave at all passers-by.  I would have been embarrassed in this situation no matter what, but the fact that Hector, a male, was present left me quite mortified.  I spent the next hour trying everything I could think of to keep my shirt pulled down to cover the hole, but every time I bent over (which happens a lot in my line of work)  the shirt would slide back up and my underwear would once again do its best parade wave.  At one point I had the “bright” idea to tuck in my shirt, thinking that my belt would help keep it stabilized.  When that didn’t work and I still had to pull it past the hole every 2 minutes it soon dawned on me that the act of pulling it down made it look like I was pulling out a wedgie which multiplied my embarrassment ten-fold.  Shortly after that uncomfortable realization Hector approached me as nonchalantly as possible and asked, “Would you like to use my jacket?” His manner was so innocent and his question so unexpected that for a moment I had to think to myself, “Why?  Does he think I’m cold, in the middle of the summer when it’s almost 100 deg…OH!”   “Yes please,” I timidly replied, relieved that he had the means to alleviate my suffering.  I tied his jacket around my waist and the work day continued without any further blushing on my part.

I have always been impressed with Hector’s generosity and kindness toward everyone, but I feel particularly grateful for his last act of kindness toward me.  I am glad he had the presence of mind to come up with a solution that was not immediately obvious to me and that he was so gentle in his offer of help avoiding inflicting any further embarrassment.  I mentioned in my first entry that I am a very independent individual and that I struggle with accepting assistance for outside sources. My hard-headed independence can be a major hindrance in the dating world where I have been informed that the best way to catch a man is to show him that you need his help.  I take an immense amount of pride in the fact that I can change my own tires and carry my own groceries and it bothers me when other women suggest that I should let the man help with those things just to help him feel manly.  However, this was one situation when I could not help myself and I was so very grateful for outside help when it was offered.  When I finally find a man who can feel appreciated when I let him help me with things that I truly need help with and not feel upstaged when I want to change my oil by myself, said man will have my undying devotion, and I might even let him do the manly stuff every once in a while just to show my appreciation.   

The One Week Challenge: A Follow Up

So I know you have all been dying to know how the one week challenge panned out. (If you don't know what I'm talking about see "The One Week Challenge" post)
It was pretty overwhelming to think about guys in my ward (church group) in terms of who I like instead of just who is trying to pursue me, but it was a healthy exercise. I had many potential co-chairs, aka every man in the ward. Every time I'd see a cute new boy from our ward I'd think maybe he could be the one.
At first I didn't even think of picking an old ward member because I have only been asked on a few dates in the ward and usually I'm not interested in them so eventually I just gave up on dating in the ward.
But then it dawned on me: what about a guy who HASN'T pursued me?! What about a man who I like even if he hasn't noticed me yet? A novel idea!! And there happens to be such a man in my very ward!! Yes indeed, I didn't realize that I have a crush on a guy in my ward because he hadn't made any moves, so I just plain forgot! I mean, we are friends but nothing has come close to happening.
After I made this realization my best friend (who knew my predicament) came up to me and said "Kylie! Have you thought of asking Dean*?" The very same guy!
So even though he pays less attention to me than he does his favorite bike, I called him to be my co!
It was kind of awkward because he did have another calling so when we were figuring out the callings for the ward at a meeting with the ward leaders in the middle of the meeting the bishop just up and said "Dean, how do you feel about being co-chair with Kylie?" He said "That would be great!" He seemed happy but he STILL barely noticed my existence.
Will Dean always think I'm a rock? Does he just not know girls exist yet? Does he hate me?!?!
Stay tuned to find out.

****names have been changed to protect poor innocent boys

America, God Mend Thine Every Flaw

I know this isn't dating related, but as it is the anniversary of the terrorist attacks on September 11, I thought I should include something about how much I love my country.
This past Independence Day, I was at a lake enjoying a fireworks show. As I looked around, I noticed all kinds of different people: old and young, families and groups of friends, and all different ethnicities. Yet we were all there for the same purpose: to celebrate our country and the blessing we have of freedom. Most Americans, I believe, are generally good. We're all looking out for our families and just trying to do good in whatever way we can.
Because of this, I think it's sad how pessimistic people have been lately about our country. Of course the government is not perfect. Of course the economic situation is less than desirable. But I still believe in the core of America: our trust in God and our belief in the freedom to worship how we desire.
And if we trust in God, He will mend our every flaw.

To Hang Out or Not to Hang Out. That is the Question.

Once upon a time I was a young college student in a carefree world where I could spend my days with guys who I wasn't even interested in with no consequences...or so I thought. I learned the hard way that hanging out too much with the same guy leads to either heartbreak or frustration. Heartbreak because one of you will develop feelings for the other and frustration when I start getting treated like one of the guys. That's the worst.
So where do you draw the line? Because you can't just not hang out either because how else are you supposed to meet guys, and you can't just ALWAYS go on dates right?
Let's examine some CASE STUDIES!

1. This has happened a million times. I have a best friend who is a guy and all we ever do is hang out. Even if I don't like him he takes up all my time and energy and then ends up dating some other girl.
NOT TO HANG OUT

2. The other week one of my guy friends started asking me to hang out all the time. I was so confused because none of them were exactly dates, but I stuck it out anyways to see what would happen. Finally he asked me to come home with him for the weekend. Yikes! I did it but I was in emotional turmoil because I didn't know how he felt about me since he had never asked me out. We had a great weekend (it was like a big giant first date), but he hasn't even called since. I saw him last night with some other girl.
NOT TO HANG OUT

3. I became instant friends with this guy this summer and we started hanging out every day. None of them were real dates and I was starting to really like him. I gave him a couple weeks and he never asked me out. On a Friday night when he asked me to hang out with him and another girl I just kindly and clearly turned him down. That was the end of the hangout fest. He has been stringing another girl along for months now and she is in love. He has not asked her on a date. We are still friends, but I have no emotional attachment.
TO HANG OUT (but only for a couple weeks)

4. Went to hang out with a big group last night, met a cute boy, he got my number.
TO HANG OUT

Well peeps, I don't know if I've figured out the great hang out question yet, but I think I'm on my way! I'm free of emotional attachments anyways and I'm having a ball! Also, I'm hanging out with an awesome guy tonight. Hopefully in this case the answer is TO HANG OUT!

The Miracle of the Books

Last night I lost two of my textbooks, and as any college student knows, losing a textbook is like losing a week's worth of food (I literally started crying in the bookstore this semester when I saw the price of one of my books). I tore the apartment apart looking for them everywhere I could think of: my backpack, under my bed, under the couches, etc. Finally I resigned myself to the fact that they were gone. I said a prayer that I could find them and went to bed.
When I was about to leave for class this morning, I looked in my backpack, and what did I find? Yep, you got it...the two books! There is no logical explanation for how they got to be there, since I went through my backpack several times yesterday.
The point is, if God cares so much about something small like finding my two textbooks, He certainly cares about something as big as my dating experiences. So I'm going to keep praying about that, too!

Let the Feast Begin!

Provo dating culture is so unique we have a lot of terms and rules that go with it. For example "DTR" means that dreaded conversation where you "Define the Relationship" and NCMO means "Non-committal Make out." The phrase that comes to mind the most right now is "feast or famine" referring to the amount of dates you get in a period of time. It must be true too, because I'm exiting a famine and diving head first into what appears to be a schmorgastborg of dates!
I'm kind of shy when it comes to writing about my dates but my roomies are starting to threaten to write about them if I don't, so I figured this is safer. I'm gunna skip last weekend and begin with this one.
It's been my dream to go on a third date to a concert for a while. This was a first date to one of my favorite bands, so my dream has been partially fulfilled. Provo concerts are the best because they are wicked fun and the people are angelic. Seriously, you get all the dancing, yelling, partying, crowd surfing, and none of the smoking, swearing and drinking. I think I was right about the third date thing because I couldn't tell if I loved the boy or the concert or the atmosphere or what but there were definitely feelings going on. So basically if you want me to fall in love with you just take me to a bunch of concerts.
Date two was a group date at a Story Telling Festival with one of my best guy friends freshman year who I hadn't even seen since before his mission 2 years ago until the date. Again, I don't know if I loved the festival, or the boy, or we were up way too late, or I just missed him or what but, yeah, feelings. Somehow he landed an apartment with 6 boys who had all JUST gotten off their missions. That made for an interesting time because every boy acts a little different around girls after shunning dating for 2 years.
At his apartment after the festival I was at a table with of the boys and one of the boys loudly whispered to the other:
"So you gunna make a move tonight??"
The other whispered "No"
Then they looked at me all shocked and said "Did you hear that???" Seriously? I was several inches away! Even after I said yes, the second whispered:
"Are you?"
He responded "Yeah!"
Oh brother. Don't worry, the game is still on cause my date did not make a move.
Date three was a photo scavanger hunt. The date was a blast, but in the end he didn't even hug me! Boo! It was our second date since his mission, and the first was a bit awkward, so I guess this is progress? I like him the most but it seems like he may be the farthest from helping me ditch this VL ring.
So yes, I'm feasting. But so far it's only managed to make me feel something and I'm not sure what. So I guess we'll say confused.

The One Week Challenge

One thing you must know about Provo dating culture is it's all about the ward (your church group). A lot of people meet and date within the ward. And since marriage is a top priority for us mormons, it's also a top priority for the bishop of Young Single Adult wards.
I walked into the bishop's office the other day stressing out because the chair of my committee had just gotten released (I'm the co-chair). He informed me that my new calling would be the chair of the committee, and he also informed me that it was my job to find a man to be my co-chair. But not just any man. The mandate from my bishop was to call a boy that I have a crush on.
I laughed thinking he was maybe joking but he repeated "Now I want you to call a guy that you want to date Kylie! You will be spending a lot of time together, and you can even call extra meetings if you want."
I said, "Well what if the guy I like already has another calling?"
"We will release him! This is eternal salvation we are talking about!! So you better call a guy you have a crush on!"
"...okay bishop."
So there you have it! The one week challenge. I must find a boy I want to spend the next year or so with in a calling together in UNDER A WEEK! Why is it a challenge? I don't know WHO I have a crush on in the ward. But I guess I better find someone quick so I don't put my eternal salvation in jeopardy.

Homework Helper

So I'm that girl you would call when you didn't know the homework assignment for English ninth period. I'm that girl you would call and ask for help on the Math homework due on Tuesday. I'm the girl you would call to get a summary about the reading assignment for Spanish class because you were too busy macking up on your girlfriend to read it. At least that's who I was in High School. The Homework Helper. But things have changed now that I'm a College girl!! Right?!? Ha. I wish!

Just Tuesday, I received a wonderful phone call from this kind boy, whom for all intents and purposes we shall call "Amadeus." :) So Amadeus called me and well, to be honest I was excited to see that I had a missed call from a boy!! It didn't matter that I had no romantic feelings for this boy-other than as a friend...honestly I wouldn't have minded going on one date with him...I just couldn't believe a boy called ME?! Clearly I NEVER learned the lesson to never "count your eggs before they hatch." This boy, Amadeus? Yeah, well he didn't know what our homework for class the next day was....so why not call Lynette, right?? She would know because obviously she has nothing better to do but sit around and wait for phone calls from boys asking about homework assignments they missed because they were checking out the cute blonde in the next seat over...Yeah. So now I'm back to my Homework Helper status I so desperately tried to fight in High School. My love-life is a beautiful disaster. Mostly the disaster part though.

Too many options!!!

So I think one of the problems here, aka one of the reasons why I'm in the VLC, is because there are TOO MANY OPTIONS! You're probably thinking: "Too many options? That's not a problem!" Hear me out!
Everyone thinks that since I go to BYU, it should be a breeze finding Mr. Right, right? Wrong. The problem is that there are too many Mr. Rights. There are guys here, guys there, guys flippin' everywhere! How is a girl supposed to find just one? And the other problem is that with so many Mr. Rights, there are also too many Ms. Rights, so if you find a Mr. Right, invariably, he's already cuddling up next to Ms. Right. How can a girl compete with that?
It's like going to one of those grocery stores with too many options. Say you want to get some ketchup, and you go down the aisle and find not two or three but about twenty brands of ketchup. Some are cheap, some are better quality, some have pretty bottles, etc. It takes forever to narrow down your choices. But say you go to a store with only a couple options. Then it's a lot easier to make a choice.
Then again, maybe my analogy doesn't work so well, because when confronted with too many brands, I pick the cheapest. But I definitely don't go for the "cheapest" guy. At least I hope not.
Finding the right guy is rough. Every time someone gets engaged (aka every day here) I want to invite a choir of angels to sing for them because they actually found someone they wanted to marry, who wanted to marry them! It's a miracle!
The point is, I'm just a little overwhelmed right now. I think I'll go to the grocery store and buy a nice cheap bottle of ketchup.